Lonely
by Sethy8
Summary: He always had her to share the weight but now he would have to do it alone. The first moments after Sarah's death. This is my first fanfic, so please review.
1. Chapter 1

There she was, the strongest person they ever knew, dead. The three of them kept side by side, in a deep silence, just looking at her body for what seemed an eternity.

Derek thought that Sarah did a great job raising John, his mother just died and he wasn't desperate nor taking emotional driven actions, he was just there looking at her. Derek would miss her, but he was used to losses and life goes on.

Derek put his hand on John's shoulder, John slowly turned his head to Derek with his eyes still focused on Sarah, as if he believed she would disappear if he stopped looking. Their eyes met, John had the disbelief expression of those who want, but can't, deny the reality. He saw this expression many times in his past, he looked to his feet and back to John thinking on what he should say, but nothing came to his mind, he wasn't good with words, he just gently squeezed John's shoulder and nodded showing comprehension then slowly walked away from him.

Cameron just watched everything with her traditional expressionless face. John haven't said a word since Sarah's death and she could see signs that he was under great stress, but he wasn't reacting, she didn't knew what to do, the future John never stood this way. Her experiences and social skills were only enough to tell her what not to do, don't stare at him, don't state anything, don't rush things. She saw Derek's attempt to offer comfort, John's state hasn't changed, the attempt was a failure, but it gave Cameron an idea. When Derek moved away she approached John and hugged him softly, looking in his eyes with an expression of compassion, she felt John's muscles relaxing and his arms involving her in a hug. Cameron decided easing him physically was the best her knowledge could do and felt satisfied for being able of doing so.

Watching her hugging John, to Derek, was another proof that her relationship with John was going too far, but she was giving John something he couldn't, comfort... Derek always hated Cameron, she represented a risk to John physically and mentally. He almost desired Jesse's plans had achieved success, at least Riley was human. For now he would have to accept that proximity.

He wanted to throw himself in the hole Sarah left in his heart, John had supported the weight of the world on his shoulder since before his birth but he always had her to share the weight, and now he would have to do it alone, alone because if the timeline kept the same Derek and Cam would be gone soon or late, alone because he is the only damn hero of mankind. She loved him more than anything and prepared him better than any mother could prepare a son to the future. He had been so selfish lately doubting her, mistreating her, he were unfair but now it didn't matter, he couldn't say sorry and he would have to live with that and prepare himself to live with many more losses, because he was the only hero of mankind.

John released Cameron, forced his wish to cry to fall back, made a tough expression and walked away not looking back. Derek gave Cameron a look full of suppressed hate, looked at Sarah in a glance and walked out. Cameron looked at Derek expressionless leaning her head to the left, she took a final look at Sarah and followed them.

John haven't shed a single tear that day. Now he was one step closer of being the hero Derek and Cameron knew, one step colder.

There were no clouds in the sky, the sun was shining, and a cold breeze was blowing. The universe was indifferent to Sarah's death. She had no personal life, no friends, but it didn't matter she had a mission, protect and prepare John, and it was all that matter.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Please, please review


	2. Chapter 2

_No man is an island... (John Donne)_.

John woke up suddenly he was sweating and breathing heavily with his eyes wide open, he just had the same nightmare. He turned in his bed, trying to forget his dream. When he finished turning his head he found a pair of eyes staring at him very close. John got scared, had a fast muscular spasm and stood up in a jump ready to fight, then he recognized Cameron crouched near his bed looking at him.

"There is no need to be scared John, it's just a nightmare." Cameron said.

John put his hand in his forehead and rolled his eyes. "YOU scared me!" He said visibly disturbed.

He slides the hand for his face. "What were you doing? And how you know it was a nightmare?" He asked calmer sitting on the bed.

"I was watching you sleep, verifying what were you dreaming about, and i know it was a nightmare because of your physical reactions like..."

Cameron made a pause, she was about to list all the reactions she saw but decided to cut to the most important part. Cameron, still crouched, looked to the floor and back to John.

"While you were sleeping you spoke Sarah's name 7 times in the last 2 minutes," she stated, "I think it means you are not dealing well with her death." She spoke.

John stared at her for a while, expressionless.

"It was just a nightmare, doesn't mean anything. Everything is fine, now let me sleep and stop staring at me." He said in a rush, laying on the bed and turning his back to Cameron.

Cameron kept quiet looking at John, she was considering if this was a good moment to talk about Sarah. He barely talked about Sarah since her death and was often having nightmares related to her, it was obviously been a source of pain to him, she had to do something. She decided that an attempt would be good.

Cameron stood up and sited in the border of John's bed. John ignored her.

"Wasn't just a nightmare, were many nightmares. I watch you every night John." She made a pause and continued, "Recurring dreams means that you have unsolved problems or that you are trying to deal with some trauma.".

She was looking at John, that insisted on ignore her pretending he was sleeping. But she knew he was awake and listening.

"In your case both options apply. You should talk about it." she stated and waited for a reaction.

John kept silent but Cameron was determinated.

"Individual therapy has shown..." She stopped talking considering what she was saying.

"You know everything don't you?" John said with some disdain in his voice.

"No. I don't." She said mechanically and expressionless.

Cameron could see hundreds of ways that this conversation could take and she was getting confuse trying to find the best of them. Been logical seemed the best way, but obviously wasn't leading anywhere. She probably was being too much logical again, and John hated it. She searched for other approaches.

Cameron placed her legs on the bed. "You can talk to me John, I understand you." She said looking at him.

John sighed. "She won't give up?" He muttered to himself.

"No." She answered.

John got a little surprised by her accurate hearing, then he sighs, turns in the bed to face her and props himself up on one arm determinate to end Cameron's insistence. He had an expression of discontent. Cameron just leaned her head to the left waiting for his words.

"Thanks, but I DON'T want to talk and I'm SURE you don't understand me at all, now please Cameron let me sleep." John told her a little impatient.

Cameron looked to her feets in a way John thought she was offended. She was a machine and normally act as one, emotionless, expressionless, but sometimes she was so convincing acting as human that John asked himself if she really wasn't feeling.

Cameron looked deep into John's eyes with a serious expression. She made John fell a bit weird and bad for exempt her help.

"It's not about what you want, it's about what you need and I do know you. I'm worried with you John. " Cameron stated with a maternal voice tone.

"Since your birth you have been fighting to survive and improve yourself to be who the world needs you to be. You haven't asked to be a hero nor even to be born. Sometimes you wish you hadn't born, sometimes you wish to die, but you can't, your death means condemning humanity to annihilation." Cameron said in a rush, still serious, and continued. "You walk on the streets and see thousands of people living their selfish and greedy lives, and you wish you could be like them, but you can't. You don't have friends, because you don't trust anyone, because no one can understand you, because if you do so you would put them, and worse yourself, in deadly danger and you don't want to carry any more deaths on your conscience.".

"You hate yourself for whom you are and more for whom you will become, a man that sends people to death without shedding a single tear." As John showed no signs of contrariety she went on "Lately you're afraid that you are closer to be that cold man, without your mother now you have to take the hard decisions. Your mother has lost her life and tranquility for you, and you feel guilty for it. You miss her, the only person that you could talk to and trust, the only one who would care for you. You're feeling more lonely than ever but you don't need to, I'm here for you."

She finished her speech, looking down and back to John in a gracious and interrogative way.

John listened to everything without saying a word or express any emotion. She was right in everything, actually she was explaining his thoughts more precisely than he could do. John felt a warm feeling on his chest, he felt understood. Then he acted a little hesitant, half-opening and closing his mouth thinking on what to say but he lacked words.

Cameron realized she had won, he would talk with her soon or late, she felt satisfied for her success.

They smiled for each other. A shy smile of complicity.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I think i lost my way in this chapter, there is something missing or in excess on it, i hated it. I was tired of trying to find what is wrong with this chapter so updated the way it is now. Probably the next updates will take more time if there are any.

Anyway please review, criticize anything.

Thanks Hinotima24 and Dre4mwe4ver for your reviews.


End file.
